CALGONE TAKE HIM AWAY....NOW!

The phone rings. The boyfriend of a couple call to inform me of their reservation and arrival.

“Hi Annie, this is ‘st. louis’ and I just wanted to let you know that we will be arriving tomorrow around 7 in the morning. But if we can, we will just drop off our bags and start the sightseeing”.

Ok…no problem.

“But I got a couple of questions….” He continued.

Now forgive me if this sounds harsh, but you are a couple and you’re renting a bunk bed at $15 a night each…less than the hostel. You are entitled to a couple of questions…..NOT A THOUSAND! An hour later, I’m still on the phone answering his questions that he feels ‘his girlfriend’ has about renting. Is it clean? Is the bathroom clean? My girlfriend is particular about bathroom. How many people in the house? How is it that you do this? What do I get with the rental? Will I get the passes? My favorite…’are you lonely that you want company?' ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And so on and so on and so on. I don’t mind the clean questions but questions about the other guest? It was more like an interrogation and just plain bloody nosy.

I never wanted to give somebody there money back more than this couple….or him.

The last time I checked, if you paid $100 a night for a theme room you might just want to bring a green light with you to check the place out! So for $15….stop it.

As if that wasn’t enough, he arrives at 7 a.m in the morning. Korea is half sleep and Loyola just got up but was waiting for the washroom, sitting on the piano bench.

He started interrogating the guest!! He was like, ‘I’m ‘St. Louis’, what’s your name? Where are you from? How did you find out about this? How long this….what about that…. All loud (to korea and then to Loyola)! Korea had this daized look like huh?. She can barely understand english when she’s fully awake. So St. Louis’ girlfriend was like, ‘stop with the questions, they are still sleep.’

So thinking they were gonna drop their stuff and keep going, the girlfriend said, ‘I think I’m going to sleep for a couple of hours’. DANG NAPPIT!

I really wanted them to get the steppin!

In response I said, ‘well everybody’s still sleep and there are two in your room but they don’t check out until 11 a.m.

So they waited in the common room and asked another 1000 questions, anybody who came out of the bed to use the washroom was asked at least five questions! Where you from? What’s your name? etc. etc. Folks were SLEEP WALKING!

I wanted to scream, ‘dude! Leave folks alone!!’

On top of that, St. Louis played the tv kinda loud while waiting. The house was ‘forcibly’ awaken from slumber. Turkey and Boston were sharing the bunk beds and were kind enough to move their stuff out the room so that I could prepare it for St. Louis, even tho I told them they didn’t have to.

Now anybody who’s ever been here knows that the bathroom is barely BIG enough for ONE person. After I prepared the room and they settled in, they went to the bathroom together to shower! Ewwwwwww I’m thinking….ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!? If they break my shower head you gonna pay for that!

Afterwards, they went to sleep for another three or 4 hours before they headed out. But not without a final interrogation to all the guest. At one point, he had this weird expression on his face like that of a psycho and I was thinking to myself….I can take him. But he’s short and folks like that got brute strength, which is usually underestimated. But I had enough heavy set guys in the house that this was not going to be an issue. But I can tell by the other countries’ look in their faces, they were thinking the same thing I was….are you for for real man?

The countries began to cluster in other parts of the house together like a fortress leaving the couple in the common room. Loyola retreated into her bedroom until they were gone.

It turned out that he had family here in Chicago and my antenna went up a 1000 fold. Gonna put that shaft in my inner thigh, ‘before I lay me down to sleep, I pray his soul my knife don’t keep”….wrong prayer?

So they journeyed their way out to wherever they were going and was never so happy to see a guest leave. The girlfriend was actually pretty nice. But he was something special.

When he came back from roller skating, they retired to bed….but not without another series of questions about noise carrying throughout the house. What is he trying to find out? Could somebody in the other room hear a scream if something happens? At this point, his light is on under the door and I dare not go to sleep. I ain’t scared but I don’t want to mess up my floors with his face.

OMYLANTA! Dude just came out of his room to ask me about room in the fridgerator. The fridge is full of the current peoples stuff. But I told him, if he needed to put something in, there is another fridge to use. So thinking that was the end of it, he ask 20 mintues of questions like, ‘so is 90% of the stuff everybody’s stuff cause its full? Or is it other people’s food from over time? Is it old? And on and on….. …” MY GOD MAN…

So I asked again, “do you want to put something in the fridge? “

“OHH NOOOO….didn’t know you had another fridge! But what is yours?...’

I’m going to scream!!! GET OUT!!!

If that wasn’t enough, I watch Charlie Rose with the volume on low…pratically have to lip read. So he says, ‘I know you ain’t watchin this so I’m going to turn it down low to open the door of the room.' ...and began lowering the tv with the remote...not even asking me! Crazy Crackhead!

You just blasted the tv that early morning but now turn it down cause its warm in the room and you got two fans in the room. CALGONE TAKE HIM AWAY!!! I realized it was warm cause they were sleeping in the TWIN together!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I just don’t trust nobody that ask that many questions when it ain’t volunteered. So tonight, me and my little friend are going to be sleeping together. You may know him by his Japanese name…Ginsu. His full name is Mr. Jagged Edge! JE for short!