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As me dear Angela-Wonsey Travis would start off her sentences with, "OH LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH...." and Sybil would end it, "NOT TO PUT MY FOOT ACROSS THIS SKANK HEFFA'S neck!".....

It's midnight....

No guests expected to arrive until tomorrow. I leave my phone behind upstairs since I have all of my guest nicely secure in their beds. I'm expecting a boat load of folks over the weekend and trying to do as much deep cleaning tonight.

Mississippi reveals something to me that leads me to go upstairs to get. That's where I discovered the messages on my cell.

"Nonya, this is Texas (aka Skank Heffa). I've arrived tonight and am about to book a hotel. I tried to reach you but no answer."

Of coarse there is no answer. She wasn't suppose to be here until noon ON the 15th.

I don't have any bookings tonight but she can't possibly believe that one minute past midnight is ok for check-in although the check-in policy is clearly for after 12 noon at the latest, on the arrival date!

"I don't have a reservation for you for tonight. In fact your bed is book. You aren't scheuled to arrive until tomorrow after 'noon'." I replied.

"I'm sorry thats my miscommunication". she reply, "i'm in a taxi right now."

"Well if you are in a cab, you can come tonight and i will prepare an air mattress".

It's 2 a.m. in the morning and she arrives. The cab pulls up and I open the door with my cleaning gloves on. She seemed a little distressed even in the dark....I could see her face was not happy.

Folks, note to freakin self....IF YOU ARE HOMELESS IN CHICAGO, NEW YORK, LOS ANGELES and you arrive at ANYBODY's home at 2 a.m. unexpectedly in the morning....the ONLY WORDS that should come out of your mouth is DEEP GRATITUDE! I don't care if the house is made out of tin cans! I'm old school like that! Plain common sense.

FIRST WORDS OUT OF HER MOUTH, "Can I see the rooms?".


She said it with such attitude, that my face went from Nonya's bright and warm friendly smile to Sybil's cringed black piercing eyes with a devil's grin....instantly.

Calmly I said, "NO, everyone is sleep!"

That irritated me to no end. I usually assist folks as they struggle with their bags to get them up the stairs. This one....well lets just say Sybil locked my legs to keep me from budging one inch. As she was struggling up the stairs she muttered under her breath, 'son of a bitch'. For once we agreed on something.

Because of her stank attitude, now you ain't getting the air mattress!

When she came in the house and i walked her to the tv room, I said, "I won't be able to set up an air mattress since i wasn't expecting you and it would make to much noise." I lied. I had an air mattress already blown up upstairs. But she is not going to be nowhere near me in this house...for her own safety.

"For tonight, you will be on this sofa." I made up the couch. She asked, "So do I still have to pay $13 for the couch?" I said, "yes. $13 is the base price for just being in the house." I should have made her pay more!

Stank, Skank and fumes was just ooozing out of her face. She tried to tell me that her reservation is for the 15th and this is the 15th. That is true. But the reservation is for CHECK IN AFTER 12 noon on the 15th! Here's the killing part.....she's studying Hotel Management! I THINK YOU ARE GOING TO FLUNK LESSON NO. 1.

She calls her mother and starts to speak in spanish. I'm sure she was not saying anything nice based on her demeanor. But thats ok. Every minute gave me great satisfaction. I told her that she don't have to pay if she's not staying or leaving a day early. "Are you staying or do you think you will be staying?" I asked. She replied, "I'm leaving on the 22nd at 2 p.m.".

"Thats your reservation normal check you have to pay the $13". Hesitantly she pull out the money.

The next day, India, the girl that was in the booked bed that night (that Heffa booked for the 15th) calls me to let me know she is ready to go to the airport. I had completely forgot.

So I jump out of bed. Skank heffa couldn't even look at me. However, India girl was bubbly and happy, hugging all of the guests even tho she had only been here for one night, walked home from the train and chatted with the folks the night before before going to bed. On the other hand, Skank Heffa looked like she woke up and bit into a bowl of nails. EAT UP cause I got a can of CROW in the back to wash that down with!

Mississippi overheard Skank talking to New York (another guest thats been here a month). She tried to trash mouth me to my own guests! REALLY? YOU JUST GOT HERE AND YOU DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE! To New York's credit, she didn't join in but simply said, 'maybe annie got the information wrong since there are so many guests coming in." Poor girl don't know. But skank does. She tried to say it was my fault and that she had to pay extra for a night. REALLY???? You sharin that with a newbie!

So off I left for the airport. India had expressed how she loved the place and how she really liked watching the kids play across the street. She said, "In one day I feel like I made a lifetime of friends. I've been here 4 months downtown and nobody talks to you." After i told her that the guests had been here for months and even a year in some cases, she yelled, "we can stay that long??" Taken back a bit, I said yeah if I like you. I only had to put out three. Then she said that shes coming back in September because she's rotating at UIC and would like to stay here. "I could stay here the whole time!" You sure can dearie, you sure can. But not your evil cousin. This skank gots to go.

Going to be a long long weekend. I'm already writing Skank Heffa's obituary for the review. Stay tune.

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