Auzzie's True Identity Revealed!

I’ve been blind-sided, but in the best possible way.

When the blind Auzzie and his girlfriend came, my immediate thought was, literally ….ain’t that cute. They had only been dating about four months. I didn’t know that he was blind prior to their arrival because he was the one calling for instructions on how to get to the house and other things. The girlfriend was a cute petite fishnet stocking wearing farm girl from the countryside of Australia who evidently loved this blind tall auzzie. Immediately I wanted to know how they met!

But I had some concerns when they came because I was thinking 'I hope he don’t hurt himself' and I’m soooo glad I fixed that porch some.

Upon Auzzie taking his first steps thru part of the house I had to ask,

‘are you fully or partially blind?’

He replied, ‘Fully’.

I replied, “cause I don’t want you to be knocking over my good china!” at which we both laughed. Hey! These things I have to know. And for those who don’t know, I have a real friend, 70 year old fully blind women that knocks over everything! So my sensitivity went out the window a long time ago since I can’t see her blindness….get it? ‘cant see? NEVERMIND….

Anyway, after the first walk thru, Australia put down his stick and was walking thru the house on his own. When he almost knocked over something, I said, ‘I’m not going to help you! You already walking around here like you own the place!” Of coarse he laughed.

Talk about a couple that had absolutely no reservations about his condition or the neighborhood, made you wanna go ‘awwwwww’. Especially when they repeatedly walked to and from Aldis 10 blocks away.

Within a couple of hours, Auzzie asked if he could wash clothes. I said without thinking, ‘who you?!?’ and then replied, ‘ok! Follow me!”

Tapping away for him to follow me to the basement, I kept toying with him on the knobs of the machine. I couldn’t help myself. I told him to feel free to admire the craftsmanship of our lovely basement and its fine décor! (although its as creepy as crap like something out of a haunted movie).

So when I was showing him the direction of the washer knobs, which he stated were ‘counterclockwise’, I would turn the knobs purposely and asked ‘what time is it now?” At which he reply, ‘you messin with me aren’t you!” What? Did you really think I would let him get away from my sensitivity training? Nobody is spared at Annie’s BNB!

They got along with everybody. One point, before Boston had left, Auzzie and Malaysia were laughing so loud you thought they were drunk. But nobody had nothing! I was dead tired that night.

They liked them so much that one night, it was pouring rain and lighting. Brit and Malaysia had asked at the same time, where do you think Auzzies are? I was trying to reach them by phone but couldn’t get thru. So within seconds, the auzzies called and said they were at the train station and if somebody could come and get them. So we were all standing in the rain trying to see who could go get them. Malaysia had only one window wiper on the passenger side and Brit’s car was packed to the rim. So standing in the rain like some tornado movie and being drenched, Malaysia yelled out, ‘Brit, how about you drive and I follow you and annie in case they call back!” So off they were to pick up the lost lamb! Now that was a moment I wish I had video!

What happened next definately put a shock in the Auzzie's system. Auzzie came home and said to me, “Annie, you know they (the people in the area) stare at us a lot.”

So I told him to sit down because I had something that he needed to know. And with all seriousness of a heart attack, I said, “I have some good news and some bad news. I know your girlfriend loves you a lot and I hate to be the bearer of bad news. She was trying to keep this from you but you really need to know. Here’s the thing….”

The girlfriend looked confused. She had this look like, ‘what???”

So I got closer and grabbed his hand. After taking a deep breath and looking into that one good eye, I said, “The neighbors haven’t seen someone as black as you! (he’s white a chalk). They may be admiring your skin tone because we don’t get people your color, that pitch black coloration, around these parts.”

They fell out laughing and in an instant, with a country twang, he replied, ‘whatchu talking about Willis!”

Then in Harpo like fashion, he continued to say, ‘what!? I’ve been black all MYY LIFE!.....”

I thought I was going to die!

“I was wonderin why I love vitals and grits….” He just wouldn’t stop. Back and forth we went about him being black and when I said this sound like the episode when David Chappelle played a blind guy who thought he was white and had joined the KKK. Would you believe it that the Auzzie saw/heard that episode! Thats when the floodgates broke wide open! He had that country accent down pack!

Even when they were going to the beach and I gave him three bags to choose from to carry the blanket, he said, ‘can I get the black bag that matches my skin? I don't want to stand out!” I was like ‘of coarse you can!”

On the final day of their stay, the Auzzies’ were at the door from their last day of touring and he had a bouquet of white roses in his hand. He said, ‘Annie would you accept these flowers ….”

And before he could continue, I snatched the flowers right out of his hand and said, ‘you dang skippy!” and nearly shut the door in front of him. They were beautiful!

So the night was winding down. He relayed a story about how the cops had stopped him down the street and asked them if they needed a ride to the house. When they replied no thank you, the cops said, ‘look! I got 3 guns and I don’t want to be in this area!” Now was that nice? LOL Even that night, there was a big bright white light outside my window and the cops, being as protective as they were, were aiming their beamers at the house. The only thing I could do is wave to the nice officers as they seemed to be so interested in the well-being of my guest.

As we were sitting back going over the past days events, Auzzie began to tell the story of how he was downtown and these guys stopped them on the street and asked to pray over his eyes. He let them!

So the guy asked, “can you see now brother?”

The Auzzie replied, “no….I think its still the same but thanks for trying’”.

I told the Auzzie what he should have said was, “My god man! What have you done to me? Now the shadow I could see, I CANT SEE NOTHIN NOW! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!”

With that they bursted out laughin and said he would use that the next time. Always here to help!

The highlight however was when I introduced him to the ‘beer’….the bootleg beer known only as Steel Reserve!

Yes…Yes I let him have it. Not only was he was amazed that the 40 oz was only $2 but he actually kept holding out the shotglass for more! I told him that he’s going to start having visions after drinking this stuff! His girlfriend could not stop laughing.

The happy juice made us so relaxed that Auzzie kicked back and sprawled out over the couch while I played a tune on the piano at which they started dancing. Once the Canadians arrived, all three of them, the Auzzies, Brit and Malaysia started saying, ‘OMG you poor girls, you don’t know what you’ve done by coming here!” and everybody started laughing. Immediately the girls blended in and they all spoke to each other as if they had known each other for a while.

So we all started bringing the Auzzie’s bags to the car around midnight. Malaysia and Brit were going to take them to the airport since I had to wait for three more visitors from Cancun.

Auzzie may have had a bit to much because he started walking backwards on the steps saying, ‘look Annie, no hands!” I screamed out ‘are you crazy!!!! Put your hands on the banister” while bent over with laughter.

So when they finally got into the car, which was a very tight squeeze, the Brit yelled out of the car to me, “get away from the car old lady, we don’t have no loose change for you!” I was dying….cause I could hear Auzzie being sarcastic as well!

Waving goodbye, I walked over to the porch as they drove away. One of the Canadians was sitting on the porch laughing the whole time at what was going on. She then said, ‘Annie, I haven’t been here but a few minutes and already I feel so at home. You all seem to have so much fun.”

I replied…’but they just met!” And we laughed!

I asked the girl did she want to go inside since the mosquitoes were having ‘annie pie’ and she said, ‘no not yet. Its so peaceful out here.”

I was thinking yeah….ok! LOL