BRING BACK CORPORAL PUNISHMENT!

Moment of silence please….I’m missin my crazy auzzies.

Lollapalooza Madness Weekend!

I was originally supposed to have 19-21 people staying here. But systematically, I managed to get down to 10. The four Frenchmen decided not to come since the place they needed to go was four hours away. The four Spaniards left to stay near the dorm. The three from Cancun booked for 3 nights but their flight was cancelled. Although everyone is here, it doesn’t seem crowded. They are all in each bedroom room.

Am I wrong that I wanted to take a skillet to one of the students? Is corporal punishment a thing of the past?

Let me just say, I was ready to back slap one of the students. The Spaniards arrived last Sunday, one after the other, to began what I thought would be a three week stay. However, they were told something differently from the company, with regards to what they would receive.

I understood from one of the nicer students the reason why they were ‘disappointed’ about coming here was simply because they had spent a sizeable amount of money to come and do the exchange program. They were even told that they would have bathrooms in their bedrooms and would be 15-20 minutes from their school. This is not the case with all students. So two of the students, although they already express to me privately that it wasn’t me, it was what they were promised, I understood. They had planned to leave the next day to find availability based on their request. So that night, they just ‘enjoyed’ themselves with the other guest because there were other ‘female’ students/professionals at the house for the one night to help Loyola move. It was approximately twelve 23 year olds in the house.

But that one little devil boy…I wanted to say, ‘Get to stepping you JACK ACE”!

He was already angry but to express your anger so openly was just rude…and it wasn’t at the ‘establishment’ who placed him here, but it seemed he was directing his bitterness to me directly. He began to speak abusively with this evil look in his eyes starring me down as I’m suppose to shutter back with fear. The only thing this fool was missing was a white sheet over his head.

He started to speak in Spanish and when I asked the nice Spanish guy (who he just met), to translate, the ‘nice guy’ had this look in his face like ‘are you kidding me?’ and then said to me, “I’ can’t translate that”.

Without looking away from Psycho Jack, I think my facial express changed from Polly Purebred…to Sybil! My eyes...they started to twitch somewhat uncontrollably.

Many of you may know Sybil as Ghetto Girl's evil twin who has an affection for sharp objects and a burning desire to practice her crafts. She was trying to show her ugly head. I just hate that she was trying to come out on her own without the help of any of her friends, Jack Daniels, Granddaddy or E&J.

I don’t know who he thought I was but I was ready to knock the crap out of him. You stand in my face with disdain and I don’t even know you! So at one point he spoke in broken English and said that he was going back to the school with his bags tomorrow. I was thinking, 'why wait fool...get ta steppin now!'

I said, “That’s fine.”

So then he asked if he could sleep on the couch. I looked over at the couple already napping there and said to him, “well there are two others sleeping on the sofa and I can ask if they want your room. So do you want to do that?” He had the private room.

He just stood there starring at me like a thump on a log, not saying anything….just in Defcon 3 mode. After about ten minutes (NO EXAGGERATION), he finally opened his mouth and said, ‘well I need to be where my bags are.”

I said, “well you can put them next to you by the sofa if they let you sleep there or you can put them by the door of your private room.”

The bag was oversized and I thought it would be easier to just keep it outside the door until they left.

Again, he just stood there like a dumb bunny.

After another LONG pause, he said, ‘But I want my bag to be safe!” The way he said it made me want to throw him out of the house. His tone was so demeaning that you would have sensed that at the first chance I get, I would ravage thru his bags....for what? more WHITE SHEETS??? Sybil got sheets....and she ain't skird to use them either!

Instead, I replied, ‘my house IS safe and when you decide what you want to do, you let me know!” and I walked away looking and feeling as angry as the tension he was trying to place on me. But I was ready to bounce his behind back to China!

So for the next 20 minutes, he just stood there, STARRING at me with all the bitterness and angry, muttering under his breath.

‘TRY SOMETHING BOY’, I was thinking…..I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!

At that point, Crazy went and hid in his room like a snake under a log for the remainder of the night till the next morning.

Later that night the nice guy explained to me the situation and said, ‘this guy is not nice at all and I just met him.” And so he began to explain in detail why they had to go.

Normally, I’m suppose to take them downtown to show them how to get to their school. But one of the ‘nice’ guy asked me would it be better for them to take the taxi tomorrow. And I said most definitely. So I told him, ‘I know you haven’t met Crazy in the other room, but take him with you!”

So that’s what they did. The next morning, I gladly called the taxi for them. As they were sitting outside waiting for the pickup, Evil May was all chatty with the fellas and getting the others all nervous for sitting on the porch. They were so nervous that one asked me, “Annie, is it safe to sit out here like this?”

I wanted to slap him for listening to Pencil Neck. It’s 7 in the morning, I got 10 other people in the house from 5 million countries and there’s not a soul outside except the early morning joggers, including the Brit…and you’re going to ask me if its safe? Who in Hades are you suppose to be that you think that you should be more protected than anyone else. If it was that dangerous, do you believe I would put you in that kind of danger? Or even myself for that matter?

I replied to him, ‘look across the street (BOY)…. Do you see all those people running on the track? Do they look scared?”

Then he realized how stupid he sounded.

So I added, ‘do you see anybody getting shot or running for their lives?’ while pointing to the joggers.

SO SHUT IT!

As soon as the taxi came, I said goodbyes by NAME to each of the students while ignoring Pencil Neck and shut my door behind me without waiting for them to get into the cab. Sweet!

Now where was I……ah yes….lollapalooza weekend!