One of those Days to just Roll Over and SLEEP thru it all!

5:30 a.m. - Layin in my bed....couldn't sleep, staring a a skylight with no sky and thinkin, "PLEASE SUN NOT YET....I HAVEN'T SLEPT YET"

5:35 a.m. - Newly airbnb sis text me, 'this guest from hades didn't come home, don't have no key cause he lost it and is this his day to check out...." what to do!

Soooooo early for customer support service from five states away. I tell her, 'If that fool don't show up and pay for the lost key/change of lock and the extra days by 2 p.m.....he's out." Don't worry, go to work and i will take care of this fool.

7 a.m. - zzzzzz in off

9 a.m. - coma sleep

9:30 a.m. - banging on the door. Sounds like somebody is breaking into the house. Jump up, grab a hat and stop the guy from answering the door.

PO PO at my door....or what seems to be the police with this big police star badge on his chest like superman.

Well guest what....YOU JUST WOKE UP 'SUPER GHETTO GIRL!"

I spring into action.

I peeped threw the window blinds and don't answer the door. I know my rights. It was one of him and 3 of me.....me, sybil and nonya! Pissed cause neither one of us has had any sleep.

I see him thru the window talking to some old women who looked confused because he's asking if she lives here and with one finger to her chin, she says, 'nooooooo' . They both look up toward my castle window because they think they saw something. Good thing for the plastic that they didn't see the special fingers of minutes past.

So again, he bangs on the door. Then he goes around the back of the house, bangs on the back door.

I instructed the guest, "you better not open that door. You act just like you act when we (Jehovah's Witnesses) come to your door....you move the curtain and pretend you aint home!" And thus it became so.

So when no one answered, the deputy dog waits in the alley and pulls out a big 'do not enter' sign and sticks it in my garage wall. Unfortunately, due to city cut backs, the notice falls to the ground due to the lack of adhesive. But the sign is for the garage.

Since my garage door was ripped by robbers, the roof is caving in, so the sign seems like a good idea but you're going to need more than that to keep out robbers. So i think i will re-attach the sign with tacts.

So......

After having an eventful morning, still not able to go back to sleep because now i'm making preparations to pick up my car from the mechanics because the night before, somebody stole my catalytic converter from my car. And being that i was slighltly insulted by my mechanic that my 2006 cavalier joy of my life, is not the pride and joy of real theives, then i should be ok from future robbers.....cause my car 'is not worth much'. But thats ok.

So now...i say a few words to fb friends and fam...eat fish and rice from guest and think the day is pretty much over. WRONG!

11:30 p.m. - My last guest to arrive at the house calls for a pickup from the train. Fine. I take her to White Castles to satisfy her crave. Mind you, I'm in another guest car because my car has expired sticker. So i take the side roads down. However, since this day has been soooo stressful (excitingly stressful cause Sybil is always looking for a fight)....I have a strong craving myself....Three Brothers Vodka. I hadn't had a drink in a week.

So up the side streets past a couple of cops pulling over some poor souls. I pulled up in front of my favorite liquor store on the corner. And i made sure i put in my new teeth, plus wore my spandex shorts with long coat and boots lookin like a Lora Croft movie cause i know this is going to bring down the cost of my milk and vodka and snickers bar.

I pulled up to my normal stop in front of a fire hydren with a white girl in the car. As soon as i put on the hazard lights, a cop suv pull 2 cars above me and stops with his lights on. I don't move. But then I'm thinkin, 'i want my vodka and im not going to let these loosers take me'.

Like a bad episode of Harold and pulmar ??? quest for White Castle, this was, 'Ghetto girl QUEST FOR THREE BROTHERS VODKA!" AND I WOULd be dang gonnit to let some po po get in my way.

So instead of just driving away, i did a dumb move. One of those moves you don't do in the movies where the audience scream out and say, 'are you crazy'! Yes. Yes i did it.

I backed my car from behind the hydren...and drove in front of the stopped cop suv....parked to the side of his car and backed up in front of the car that he had pulled up to (that nobody was in). I walked out of my car like lora croft, looked at the cop, pulled my rideups or shorts that were riding up my butt, pulled them down as far as they could go and continued walking to the store with the white girl in the car. And i dared anybody to get in my way. Sybil is going to have a drink....DANG NAPPIT.

So i came out of the store, and notice that that cop just left but another suv was parked directly across the street from me. He looked me directly in front of my face and into the face of the white girl in the front seat.

Normally i make a uturn and turn around...but not tonight.

I go a half block up, right before you hit the police station, turn right and go down the side street to get home. I'm almost home, notice that nobody is following me. As sooooooon as i get to the edge of the park to turn left at the corner of my house, they pull me over!!!

The got me.

This is when i realize that my dentures and that bare leg of mines had super powers.

I'm driving another persons car with no insurance and on top of that, no drivers license. I had only my state id.

With my backseat geared with a gallon of milk, 3 brothers vodka and snikers, I opened the door to the approaching officer.

Smiling my new pearly whites and keeping my coat sufficiently flashed open to reveal my thick leg of lambs, 'what seems to be the problem officer?"

"is there something wrong with your window?" he ask.

"Yes. My friend was in an accident and the window doesn't go down." I replied.

"Do you have license?" he asked

"yes i do" smiling and in a flirtations manner with my batwomen glasses.

"whats the charge?" I ask.

"your lights weren't on?" he replied as his eyes are pointed straight on my legs.

"You know, i thought the lights go automaically on!" I replied.

"Let me show you how to turn them on" he replied while reaching past my leg to show me how to turn on the lights.

"Whatttt? I thought they were on automatically", while laughing and smiling and he was doing the same in return.

So then he asked for the passenger's i.d.

My guest is such a passionate kick ace, she was ready to say f u and go down in a blaze of glory. But i had to stop her since i had in my mind, an assessment that i got this. So she handed over her i.d.

After he went back to his car, approaching officers in another suv turned the corner to the cop behind me. But in doing so, they glazed their beaming dark menacing eyes dead at me. Thats when sybil showed up. I had that out of body moment and sybil looked at them in the fashion of , 'try something you don't want to start." I had no control over my facial features. I literally looked at the 2 cops with such disdain that i actually caught myself and said, 'im going to jail if looks could kill'.

So after about 20 minutes, both cops going back and forth, MY salivating cop came back to me and say, 'here's your i.d., you're free to go'....with no tickets or anything.

they never asked for insurance, proof of registration or anything.

I simply smiled, arched my eyes and practially kissed that man with my eyes....to an appreciative cop.

So off i went, nestled into my bed with my 3 brothers vodka and you folks.

Good night and don't let the dirty cops bite!