STORY OF THREE LITTLE PIGS!

Ok kiddies…this is a story of three little pigs.

Unlike the story books, these little pigs may just end up as bacon with a side of fist to mouth!

The news came that my uncle had passed. As with any major event, I try to work my schedule around so that I can spend some time with me peeps. A person can get swallowed up in the fan fare of hosting guests from around the world (and it never gets old). But sometimes, you just have to make time for others.

Anyway, I had already texted my weekend new arrivals (about 7, not including the 7 regulars). I had to let them know that I will not be on call at night for me to pick up folks AFTER 2 a.m. I make no apologies for that.

Earlier that day, I had went over to my relatives. I got a text from one of the pigs.

Now mind you, I normally substitute the person’s name with their country in my blogs/rant. But this time, I think the term ‘pigs’ is a more appropriate term since I wouldn’t want to associate the whole country with what a few little spoiled bastards said and done.

After spending a day with the family, seeing old and new….I go home to the awaiting new guests. They all seem cordial, fresh and may even be a fun weekend. But there is always the one ace hole in the group that make your antenna go ‘ding ding ding.’

I noticed that the three pigs were already drinking a good brand of whisky or bourbon mix. Since the bottle was half empty, I didn’t think that they were going anywhere. Especially since they had either a new SUV or a rental car in the driveway.

It’s about 10 close to 11 p.m.

“Nonya, we would like to go out. Can you take us to the train?” asked one of the piggies.

“Are you sure?” I replied while looking at the bottle of drunken whiskey. One of the piggies eyes were already glazed over….slurred in speech. But I obliged. “Sure I will take you. Just be careful” (you crazy boys).

“Just remember tho, I can’t pick you up after 2 a.m.”… (I don’t care what the ad says)… ”I have a funeral to attend to in the morning and if I have to pick you up, I’m going to be a pissed off. So if you come back after 2 a.m., just take a taxi from downtown. It’s only $22” (you cheap bastards).

So as they are stumbling to get together, I let the three pigs know that they will not be on the air mattress that they requested. I put them on the sofa sleeper with an air mattress on the side if they don’t want to sleep to close.

One of the pigs asked, “so are these sheets cleaned?”

Offended by the sheer statement, I said, “what kind of person gives another person a used bed sheet?” He was like, “I know I know you wouldn’t” (so why the hades did you ask me a dumb ace question like that.)

If that wasn’t enough, still waiting for these pigs to get ready, I asked if they were shown thru the house. I told them that there were bath towels in the closet behind the door and face towels.

The same ignorant ace pig asked me again, “are these clean towels?”

Sybil looked as his dumb ace and said to self….”when can we play with my new knife set!” Calm down Sybil calm down. So I responded, “If you ask me one more dumb question, I’m going to knock you out”

So off I went to take the three pigs to the red line.

The next day I spent at the relatives, even bringing everyone some food from the repass to my new guests.

Thinking that the weekend went as well as it could go for a funeral and juggling the new guests, I had no idea that there was any incidents with anyone or anything. There were plenty of new guests that the three pigs could hang out with from other countries.

WRONG!

I make a review on airbnb basically complimenting how nice the little pigs were.

But then I get this private message from some hateful little punks:

“Nonya you should be reachable anytime, overall when you offer a free shuttle by night. I tried to call you twice, sent text messages,it is just irresponsible from your part to let visitors walking by your area by night”

WHAT THE HADES! THEY NEVER CALLED!

So then I saw their public review:

Not recommendable at all for people willing to visit Chicago anytime!! Englewood is SO DANGEROUS BY NIGHT. Foreigners please watch out!! We had to be driven back by the cops since we were targets while walking there at midnight.. Nonya is a really nice person but this kind of paying couch-surfing should just not be allowed at Airbnb. Accommodation is not comfortable but well.. fair enough for the low fares.Finally we had this bad feeling to be disturbing one of the n roomies over there.

So I responded publicly:

“Interesting. The one weekend I was not truly available due to a funeral that I had to attend to because my uncle died, I get this crackhead review. Wow. When I came back from the family, I remember you all had already started on half a bottle of whisky and wanted to go out. Fine. I took you to the train. I told you that after 2 a.m. i would not be available to pick you up since the FUNERAL was early morning. So I didn't pick you up. THERE IS NOBODY on the streets at night EXCEPT the police. So for them to get your drunk behinds a ride home, I don't think you would get that anywhere in the city. A target? You make yourself a target in any area if you're stumbling drunk along chicago citystreets at 3 in the morning. You don't want to be a target, then act responsibly. You had a RENTAL CAR and despite my family tragedy, like big oversized babies you want me to pamper your behinds so you can have a good time while toxic. My only mistake the weekend you were here was upgrading you on the sofa sleeper since I was replacing the mattress which had not arrived. Something told me to keep you on the air mattress that you paid for. My bag. You all were some selfish sons of bisquits that couldn't let a person even grieve. I'm just glad I don't get a like of your kind here. Lay low on the booze when you travelling. Thats my advice to you.”

These pigs had a WHITE SUV parked on the side of the house that was at their disposal! They currently live in DETROIT of all forsaken places! and they stayed in Mexico city! They probably lied about that because they couldn't have been that SPINELESS in staying here for the weekend!

I could have understood if they were on the train. But they drove a TRUCK that never moved from the side of the house eventho I said there was DEATH IN THE FAMILY. SONS OF SEA BISQUITS!

So privately, I responded:

“I should have known that the biggest cowards would be 3 guys from ###. With over 500 guests that have walked the streets at midnight for years and the biggests crybabies are 3 guys. You want to be responsible....keep your senses when you travel ....don't drink a bottle of whisky before leaving to go out of the town. i should have known when your eyes glazed over. If you can't walk a block from the corner, you shouldn't be travelling nowhere. Otherwise, no matter where you are in u.s., you wont get bopped in the head. Got more girls from china with balls. Here's a news flash....i just started the shuttle. So my guests walked the streets at night alll the time. I only offered shuttled because I was tired of the cops bringing my guests home....even tho they loved it....but were not scared. So grow up. Travel wisely.”

Their reply:

“You are just ridiculous! Don't be offensive with european guys (one of us was #### fyi). We have been travelling in many countries in the world, this was one of the most weird experience (remained funny bc nothing happened luckily). Hope for you that any future guests won't have critical experience”

My reply:

“Oh i like europeans. But if there is one thing that is consistant is the ####country### have weak stomachs and ###country### from the ###city### area. Not trying to sound stereotypical but that’s just my experience.....and you just prove that true. So take care and grow a pair.”

1) You are three grown pigs. If you can’t walk ONE block from the corner even drunk….then you don't need to be travelling.

2) I have been to more countries and have more family in countries than you have countries visited…so don’t give me that bull that this is your most weird experience! I came off planes and trains with more craziness than what you THINK you experienced from walking down a street!

3) If they did get picked up by the police…why didn’t they mention it to ANY of the 15 guests that were there? It would have been a good laugh and a very good topic of conversation of the level of security that the neighborhood provides.

4) YOU WERE DRUNK EVERYDAY…..I WOULD ROB YOU IF I WERE THAT TYPE OF PERSON! So you don’t want to be a target? SOBER UP FOOL!

The piggees didn’t mention none of it….while they were having a ‘good time’ with the other guests.

But that’s ok.

As the story ends, “these little piggees went weh weh weh……alllll lthe way….home!”

Or as Sybil would love to say, “Put a slab of that pig on the barbie please!!”