RISE OF THE PHOENIX FORK SCANDAL!

“Please be advised, the views and opinions expressed in this story are those of Nonya and DO NOT reflect the official attitude of Sybil. The story should not be utilized in real-world performance based on limited alcohol provided by Nonya in order to contain the true author Sybil, from coming out. The story SHOULD HAVE contained scenes that are disturbing, strong language and violence. It should have been intended for mature audiences and not children!”

I’m going to try to keep this story as PG rated as possible. But I posted the disclaimer above on behalf of Sybil (not Nonya).

Happy Sybil? Now let's continue.

It was a warm late Friday afternoon that we…..me, Mississippi and Kentucky, started on our Friday quest which is starting to become a ritual we now call - ‘Junk Jay Fri Day’. It’s the time when we scour the city for the finest junk food in all of Chicago. We headed back to 11200 S. Michigan for again of those homemade Old Fashion Donuts. I thought we had made it in time to capture the long awaited monster size Apple Fritters or the Texas Donuts at 3 p.m.! NOT. Again we were told we had to come earlierrrr for that. So we settled for the fresh baked chocolate and glaze. A dozen please.

We then headed over to 11700 S. Western for some popcorn that some rave that it's better than Garretts Popcorn. Yes, the cheese and caramel were off the chain. Finally, headed over to Dicolas Fish on 10100 S. Western for some frog legs and catfish. The night seemed complete. All I have to do now was take our happy behinds home and, re-watch yesterday's fantastic episode of Scandal and await the arrival of my new guests (3 Germans, and a women from Holland).

It's about 8 p.m. when another guest from Germany, who arrived two days earlier, tell me a funny story. He went to the Sears Tower and overheard a conversation from another 3 Germans that were standing in front of him in the line. The three germans were talking to each other, asking each other, 'what's good to do in the city?' He reply in German to them some place to go.

They asked, 'where are you from?' "Germany", he reply.

They asked him, "Where are you staying?"

He replies, 'South of Chicago."

They ask, 'Airbnb?"

"Yes", he says.

"Would the person be Nonya?" they asked.

"YES!" he answered.

My three German guests, that I was waiting for, hadn't even checked in yet! and by the forces of nature they all met each other at Sears Tower! SMALL WORLD!

Meanwhile, I go outside to the backyard and see Argentina just having loads of fun burning more wood in the fire pit. So I tell him, ‘this is a good day and I’m going to get us some beer later. The real beer….no 211 or King Cobra’.

The night is becoming very festive.

The german guys and girl arrived and now everyone one was pretty much in the kitchen just chatting away. After I got the beer, and showed the new guests the layout of the house, I scurried down to the basement like a rat to cheese, to position myself on the sofa, happy, drinking a Hennekin and thinking the night don’t get any better than this. I take my leave because I want to start watching Scandal OVER uninterrupted. When the guy from Mississippi heard that I’m re-watching Scandal, he hurried downstairs because he didn’t see the episode.

What is better than watching a re-run? It is watching with someone who haven’t seen it and seeing the shock on their face at the twists and turns of the story. Awesome feeling. It's almost like watching it for the first time.

I go upstairs to get another beer. I probably should have never done that.

Kentucky starts to ask about the Tahiti ‘Pervert’ guest. She said that early that morning around 9 a.m., the Perv was on a tantrum. He was screaming off the top of his lungs saying,

“This house ain't s***! F** All yall. …. Bunch of losers and yall ain't worth the breath you breathe!”

NOW WHY AM I JUST NOT HEARING THIS? WAS THIS POT HEAD HIGH....again!

I confirm the story with the other guests who heard him hollering and screaming. Four guests stated that they heard him ranting and raving.

Argentina was hesitant to say anything because he knew World War III with Sybil and Perv was like a mixed bowl of disaster... a nice hot boiling pot of water for rice….'bring water to BOIL and then simmer/throw'. So Argentina, after having a relaxing 3 hours of wood burning time and now holding a Hennekin in his hand, begins to arch his back backwards and make a disturbing ‘arggghhhhh’ noise.

“Nonya, I didn’t want to say anything. But now that you know, I know what will happen. I hope that it doesn’t happen. But if Sybil comes out, I have your back. Arggghhh” says Argentina.

I started laughing. I said, “Sybil is not coming. I promise. Ok Ok?…I wont say anything. He’s (Perv) leaving Tuesday.”

Ok. As promised, Sybil didn't come out. But I never said Hannibelle wouldn’t show up. For those that don't know, she's Hannibal's sister. She's a bit cold and truly unfeeling ....but she don't eat meat.

I tried not to say anything....for a good 30 minutes.

I returned to the basement. I tried to focus on the tv show 'Scandal'. But there was a scandal brewing right in this house. Like the tv show, I couldn't turn away. I look to the right of me, and there it was…..my cell phone. It was staring at me, but there was no sexy president on the other end. I tried to look away. It may have been a half hour before I picked up the phone to text the Tahiti Pervert.

“Did you go off on a rampage this morning at 9 a.m. Why?”

10 minutes passed with no answer.

“???? I didn’t” he replied

“Yes you did. Four different people heard you this morning. You said, ‘F this house, F you all. Yall some stupid MFs. Yall don’t deserve to breathe the air. … These are not your words?”

“LOL, no”

“I don’t find it funny. Especially when you are saying they don’t deserve to breathe.”

“I haven’t done a ducking thing!!! (his real words) What are you talking about? The only one was awake was Kentucky”, he replied.

“No. Four people heard you screaming. Why would they lie?” I asked.

“R U Serious?”, he replied.

“If you are not happy here, that’s ok. Cause I want you to be happy. But this screaming for no reason….I don’t know what you are smoking but you can’t keep that up here. If you can’t keep it together, you are going to have to go.”

“I make more money than all of the whole house together?” he replied.

What? What does money got to do with this? Thats not what I asking this broke-tail-crackhead who owe me money. I'm talking to you about your SCREAMNG!

“Really? Good then. You won’t have no problem paying me my $65. All I'm saying is if you want to stay until Tuesday, you cannot be going off like that. That's bad for business,” I continued.

Now, the whole time, I’m trying to give him a chance. Just keep quiet. Basically saying to him to keep it together or get out.

“Did I say I wouldn’t pay you?,” he replied. “Don’t question me! I can count! I’ll be gone Tuesday!”

“Are you yelling at me? You ain't staying here with that attitude." I replied.

“F what they say. I don’t care. They are a bunch of losers. I will be gone Tuesday before you even awake.”

“No. You are going tonight." I said. I know he didn't think he was going to tell me what I can't do and demand that he would be staying untill Tuesday. He ain't paid crap and making demands? REALLY? He must have been really high.

“I never told you I would have your money on Wednesday. Are you drunk? I dealt with a lot of drunks and my 3rd uncle was a drunk. And you are one for sure. Threaten me. I paid my s***! ”So don’t f*** with me!”

NO HE DIDN”T! Did he curse at me?!! (You probably thought i was going to say something about the drunk remark. ummm not necessary...that's between me and my bottle. No need for name callin...lol. But you ain't going to cuss at me!

He continues, “It's you who have the problems, not me! Believe that! I never made a outburst about a d*** thing! Its all u.”.

Ok crackhead. I'm done with this text crap.

“I need you to call me if you are not afraid” I said.

“I’m not afraid of s***. Especially u!”

Oh really? You should be.

“I’m still waiting. You gonna call or not?” I replied.

“LOL. Give me a break. I’ve got money. Don’t need to call u. U r only a slum lord. Well I got money. And believe me, I got your number.” he continued.

“You going to insult me and expect to stay here? You calling me or not!”

“I’m not insulting.“…..ringggggg.

Finally...cause my fingers were starting to hurt.

He starts slurring, cussing and rambling his words about how he got my money and he’s staying to Tuesday and he’s out of here. In between all of that rampage….when I tried to talk he was like, ‘LET ME TALK!”

So I did.

“Are you finished?”, I replied as calm as a dead man six feet under. I continued, “What is going to happen is this! You will keep your money. You will pack your bags. And you are leaving tonight. I don’t want you here. You are not staying till Tuesday. Understand?”

“You throwing me out tonight!??” he replied

“Yes I am. I will take you wherever you want to go but you are not staying here with that attitude”, I said, while calmly sipping my warm Hennekin.

You know what's funny? Normally I buy a small bottle of Vodka but I didn’t tonight for some reason. That saved his life.

“Hello. You still there?”I asked

“I’m here.... at the door!”

So I go to the door and let him in. He’s raging while heading to the back bedroom. He gets into the middle room and see Kentucky. He start pointing fingers at her....blaming her. I told him to keep moving and get his stuff. He’s still trying to confront those he think exposed him. Argentina was trying to keep him calm but he wasn’t having it. He starting cursing at them and calling them names. Finally he goes to the room and start packing. He slammed the door.

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SLAM MY DANG DOOR! (putting it mildly)

I went back, opened the door. “You are not going to slam my door. Keep this door open.”

He does it again. After a moment, Argentina goes in there and try to talk to him. I wanted to say, its no use. He’s on something. Afterwards, Argentina comes out, and the Perv slam the door again.

I open.

“You’re trying to assert your power with your no teeth! You wouldn’t be saying nothing if I had paid you the money for the month!” he yells.

“You are right. But we ain't having that conversation, cause you didn’t pay me.” I replied. He don’t know it would be a different conversation! Him wanting his money back!

“You all about the money. You only care about the money. They all losers! Who lives in a hostel for a year!” he’s yellin over and over again.

“Ok. If that what makes you feel good. Yes, I’m about the money. Now get your stuff and lets go.” I said.

“I make more money than all everybody in the house! Yall b****... a bunch of losers!”, he yelling while the four new guests are just watching in astonishment.

“That's great. That mean you have money to get a hotel," I reply.

So Ireland said he would come with me when I go with him. But on the way out, Perv is being confrontational with him and was trying to fight him. He just kept getting close to his face. I, of coarse, went back to the kitchen because I forgot my PHOENIX FORK rising from its ashes!

For those who don't remember the fork, feel free the blog where i'm about to take the Somonian out in the middle of the street with my fork before the cops halled his behind to jail.

Somebody was going to get stabbed tonight. I got ginsu, butcher, spikes knives and such but I prefer my ol' faithful fork.

By the time we go outside, it was clear, I’m not taking him nowhere.

“Since you have a bad attitude, I’m not taking you,” I said.

“YOU WEREN'T GOING TO TAKE ME ANYWAY! YOU WERE JUST SAYING THAT TO GET ME OUT OF THE HOUSE! WHY DON’T YOU COME OUTSIDE THIS GATE (IRELAND)” he yelled. He must have known that he getting stabbed inside the property line is self-defense. That’s why he wanted Ireland to come outside the gate.

“If you don’t leave, I’m calling the police.” I replied. Say one more word fool!

He said one more word....and I did.

While he was pacing back and forth talkin trash, I asked Ireland to get my coat because this was going to be a long night. After coming back, I sat down on the porch, taking in the view.

I asked the Perv, “What is your problem Perv?”

Ireland interrupts and asked me, “why are you asking him? It's no use.”

I said to Ireland, “I’m just getting some details for my blog.”

“You know, there are a lot of things I tried to overlook with you. But you made it really hard. You expect me to believe that after four people said these things that you've said, and I’m suppose to believe you didn't because you say you didn’t.”

“I didn’t!”, he yelled.

“So I guess you didn’t send a picture of your penis to Kentucky either?” I asked.

“NO! I didn’t send a picture!” he said but not convincingly. He didn't know I knew.

“So that wasn’t your penis in the picture and that wasn’t your conversation of saying nasty things you wanted to do all over her face?” I continued.

“No”…he said even softer but still pissed.

“So if I have proof of your picture of your penis that you didn’t send thru text, and I’m suppose to believe that that’s not your penis because you say it isn't..... even with the (visual) proof, but I'm also not suppose to believe that you didn’t scream at the top of your lungs this morning simply because you SAID YOU DIDN'T? Oh and I'm suppose to believe that you didn't say the threats about cutting someone's throats or they don't deserve to breathe? Did you really think you were going to stay in this house even for another day? Really? You know, the next time you make damaging remarks or say something stupid, be sure not to put it on text."

"File it away! File it away!", he kept repeating sarcastically.

So he starts to call a taxi.

“The cops will be here before the taxi does. They can take you where you want to go.” I interrupted.

He starts walking down the street.

I yell, “I'm not watching your stuff so you better not walk to far!”

He sticks up the middle finger.... Lol.... and heads back. He start to roll all his stuff to a neighbor's house a couple of houses down. He goes to the house where he just met the guy on his first night at the nearby lounge. He was the guy that came to my house looking for a 'Stephen'. Stephen was one of three names the Perv used (but denied using).

In hindsight, the first night he came, Sybil blasting him out was correct. He wasn’t a cop as I accused of being (a spy). However, he was crazy. Sybil got CRADAR antennas! CRAZY RADAR!

Ireland asked me how I stayed so calm, “you never cursed or anything”.

I told him, ‘Emotions, whether it is love or hate is an emotion that you care. At this point, there is no need for emotions. I don't care.”

What I wanted to say was, when I stabbed this fool with my fork, there will be no coming back. I don’t care and I need to void any feeling of delivering his body to a ‘sleep tank’.

After Perv left, the cops came and asked if he was on rocks. I was like, “I don’t know!”. Sounded like they were trying to see if he took some kind of drugs in my house. I told them that he came home taking crazy. “I think he was on something when he came back”, I added.

When I went inside, the 'kids' were at the door.

Nothing to see folks. Momma's going to take first watch at the door if he comes back. Ireland volunteered to stay up all night as well. I got this!